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How to choose the best category -
Stateroom fundamentals are easily mastered by simply answering the following
questions truthfully and to the best of your predictive ability.
1. Are you the party-all-night-every-night type and tend to get up at the crack of noon each day?
2. Are you allergic to sunlight?
3. Are you a vampire?
4. Is your idea of fun curling up with a good book or in-room movie and ordering room service?
5. Are you a shutter bug who just has to jump up and take a hundred pictures
of every sunrise, sunset and seagull - even at 3am in a Norwegian Fjord?
6. Do you find it intoxicating to have fresh sea breezes blowing across your bed during the night - or does your spouse's snoring satisfy that need?
7. Do you enjoy sunlight and expansive vistas - but the very idea of fresh air makes you nauseous?
8. Do you want your own private escape route in case of flooding, fire or Somali pirates?
If you answered "Yes" to questions 1, 2 & 3 - then best to save
your money on the more expensive cabins and go for the least expensive inside
cabin (a cabin on the interior of the ship, having no window, porthole or balcony
- but definitely a door - one door - you'll want at least one door for coming
and going from your cabin).
If you answered "Yes" to questions 4 & 7 - your best bet will
be an Ocean View cabin - one with a window or porthole.
If you answered "Yes" to questions 5, 6 & 8 - you will want
a Private Balcony Cabin - or sometimes referred to as a Veranda Cabin.
In spite of the fact that the cruise line will attempt to confuse you with
47 different room categories on any one ship - there are really only a total
of five - Penthouses, Suites, Balcony or Veranda Cabins, Ocean
View and Inside. The additional category distinctions are really just a function
of location within the ship - not size or amenities.
Penthouses- and top end Penthouses called "Owner's Suites" -
can be from 900 to 3,000 square feet in size. Almost always with a private
balcony or two - they are located on the top most decks of the ship. There
are usually only a handful of these type of staterooms on the ship - a half
dozen, max.
Suites - a bathroom, bedroom area and separate sitting area usually offering
50 to 150 square feet more space than a Veranda cabin and with a larger than
normal private balcony.
Veranda or Balcony Staterooms - pretty much the same as Ocean View staterooms
only slightly larger and with a private balcony/veranda - one just big enough
for a couple of small plastic chairs and a cocktail table.
Ocean View - just what it says - a stateroom with a window or port hole -
neither of which can be opened.
Inside Cabin - a cabin that, due to it's location in the interior section
of the ship, does not offer a window, porthole or balcony.
Pimp Tip - When attempting to save money by stuffing four or five people
in a stateroom- just remember, you will all be using the same bathroom. Thus,
the money saved may not be worth the aggravation if you are traveling with
teenagers and/or high maintenance women.
How to choose the best location -
"Location, location, location" is the mantra of real estate agents
on shore. But to cruise passengers, it is not that big of a deal.
All cabins within any random category tend to be the same size with the same
amenities regardless of placement within the ship. The perceived value among
the cruise buying public is that the higher up in the ship the more desirable,
hence the more valuable the cabin. The cruise lines take full advantage of
this misconception via premium pricing for cabins on the upper decks. But
here's the skinny. If it is stability you want you should get a cabin as close
to dead center of the ship as possible - not too high up, not too low down,
not to close to the bow (the pointy end) or stern (the rounded end). Cabins
in this Middle Kingdom area will experience less
motion.
Additionally, take a close look at the schematic diagrams of each deck - found
in brochures as well as online. Look for proximity to elevators, the dining
room, the pool deck, the main lobby and late night venues such as the disco.
Closeness to these facilities may or may not be desirable depending on your
mobility, tolerance for noise, desire to be close to most frequented services
and activities, etc.
Pimp Tip - If you go to bed at a reasonable hour, watch out for cabins
next to elevators or late evening venues such as the disco - it can be very
noisy late into the night.
How to get free upgrades -
Here are the two magic words - whip them on your cruise agent - say you want
a "Category Guarantee". Just like airlines who over-book flights - cruise
lines will frequently over book certain cabin categories. Therefore, they will
often reward flexible passengers with a "category guarantee". This simply means
that - at time of reservation - if you are willing to forego immediate confirmation
of a particular cabin - the cruise line will guarantee a cabin in the category
that you have reserved or higher. Often this will
lead to an upgrade to the next higher category at no additional cost. Unless
you need a stateroom in close proximity to friends or family members; accepting
a category guarantee is always worth the gamble - at least in our experience.
Being part of a group or availing one's self of a special promotion can often
get an upgrade of one or two categories. (see Pimp
My Cruise Fare)
Lastly, it is a rare occurrence - but never let any opportunity go unexploited.
If the cruise line reservations department messes up your booking for one reason
or another - no matter how small - respond with kindness and sympathy in your
heart - saying something to the effect "We understand and forgive you
and hold no grudges...but how about a free upgrade as compensation, Fumble
Fingers!"
The Living Room of the Owner's Suite - This category is the ultimate of luxury & spaciousness. Private butler service & a formal dining area makes it the ultimate indulgence.
Above
you see the Mother of
All Balconies - the private
verandas of the Owner's &
Penthouse Suites are larger
than many cabins - and come with a
private Jacuzzi.
This
is the bathroom of a Courtyard Villa on Norwegian
Cruise Lines. Particularly
suited for group bathing & syncronized
makeup application. However,
as beautiful as the view
may be - one must always
lower the curtains prior
to use - out of consideration
for the sea birds & flying
fish - many of whom are easily
offended by nudity.
The
private courtyard shared
by the lucky occupants of
the exclusive Courtyard
Villas on Norwegian
Cruise Lines - analogous
to living in a gated community
back home in Hackensack -
helps keep out the riff raff.
A
balcony cabin in the "Concierge Class" of
Celebrity Cruise Lines. Note
the nice comtemporary decor
- an indication of a newer
ship.
Not
all balconies are created
equal. Always ask for
square footage of the balcony
separate from the stateroom. The
one above would be good for
stepping out for a breath
of fresh air but that's about
it - no "breakfast
on the balcony" for these cruisers.
Above
is an Inside Cabin - a "quad" made
down for four passengers
for the night. You can see
that it is quite cozy. But
be forewarned - claustrophobics
& sleep walkers need not
apply.
Bathrooms
are fully equipped but very small. Showers
are even smaller. Pimp Tip - instead of bruising
your elbows trying to soap yourself down like you
normally would, just soap down the
shower curtain then spin
around a couple of times
- rinse & repeat.
Toilets
on cruise ships are different. So, please, please,
please - whatever you do - heed
the last sentence on this sign - otherwise
you won't be getting up until
someone rocks you back &
forth to break the suction.
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Above
you see the Mother of
All Balconies - the private
verandas of the Owner's &
Penthouse Suites are larger
than many cabins - and come with a
private Jacuzzi.
This
is the bathroom of a Courtyard Villa on Norwegian
Cruise Lines. Particularly
suited for group bathing & syncronized
makeup application. However,
as beautiful as the view
may be - one must always
lower the curtains prior
to use - out of consideration
for the sea birds & flying
fish - many of whom are easily
offended by nudity. 
The
private courtyard shared
by the lucky occupants of
the exclusive Courtyard
Villas on Norwegian
Cruise Lines - analogous
to living in a gated community
back home in Hackensack -
helps keep out the riff raff.
A
balcony cabin in the "Concierge Class" of
Celebrity Cruise Lines. Note
the nice comtemporary decor
- an indication of a newer
ship.
Not
all balconies are created
equal. Always ask for
square footage of the balcony
separate from the stateroom. The
one above would be good for
stepping out for a breath
of fresh air but that's about
it - no "breakfast
on the balcony" for these cruisers.
Above
is an Inside Cabin - a "quad" made
down for four passengers
for the night. You can see
that it is quite cozy. But
be forewarned - claustrophobics
& sleep walkers need not
apply.
Bathrooms
are fully equipped but very small. Showers
are even smaller. Pimp Tip - instead of bruising
your elbows trying to soap yourself down like you
normally would, just soap down the
shower curtain then spin
around a couple of times
- rinse & repeat.
